The Theory of Holes is a central concept in the work on Essence and personal growth of the Diamond Logos. It refers to internal voids that form when essential aspects of our being are denied, undeveloped due to traumatic childhood experiences or lack of adequate reflection or emotional support from parents and family environment.
These “holes” represent areas where our true essence has been obscured in our consciousness, leaving us with an internal feeling of lack or incompleteness.
The Diamond Logos teachings suggest that to heal and realize our potential, we must recognize and work through these holes, reconnecting with and reintegrating lost aspects of our essence into the body.
This process involves exploring our emotions, beliefs, and behavior patterns to understand and transform the root causes of these gaps.
Below, you can read how A. Hamid. Almaas – co-originator with Faisal Muqaddam of the Diamond Approach – describes this theory in some passages of his books.
“When a baby is born, it is pretty much all essence, or pure being. Its essence is not, of course, the same as the essence of a developed or realized adult. It’s a baby’s essence – non-differentiated, all in a big bundle. As the child grows, the personality starts developing as a result of interactions with the environment and especially with the parents. Since most parents are identified with their personalities and not with their essence, they do not recognize or encourage the essence of the child. So, after a few years, the essence is in fact forgotten, and instead of essence, personality develops. Essence is replaced with various identifications. The child identifies with one or the other parent, this or that experience, and with all kinds of notions about self. As the child grows up, these identifications, experiences and notions become consolidated and structured as its personality. The child, and later, the adult, believes this structure to be its true self. However the essence was there to begin with and is still there. Although it was not seen or recognized and may have even been rejected or hurt in many ways, it is still there. In order to protect itself, it has gone underground, undercover. The cover is the personality. There is nothing bad about having a personality. You have to have one. You couldn’t survive without it. However, if you take the personality to be who you truly are, then you are distorting reality. The personality is composed of experiences of the past, of ideas, of notions, of identifications. You have the potential to develop a real individuality, the personal essence, which is different from the personality that covers the loss of essence. But this potential is usually taken over by what we call our ego, our own acquired sense of identity.
Whenever an essential aspect is missing or cut off from one’s consciousness there results a deficiency, a hole, in its place. This hole is then filled by a part of the psychic structure that resembles the lost essential aspect. One fills or covers the deficiency with a false aspect in its place.”
Essential holes and co-dependency in relationships.
The theory of the Holes can have a significant impact on relationships, especially in terms of codependency. When we carry with us internal holes, we tend to look for something in relationships that can fill those essential voids.
These holes can manifest as unmet emotional needs, insecurities, or low self-esteem. In a codependent relationship, both people involved often try to get their needs met through the other, creating a dynamic in which neither individual is truly independent or complete. This can lead to an unhealthy mutual dependence, where each partner feels responsible for the other’s emotional well-being.
For example, a person with a hole related to a lack of love and acceptance during childhood may incessantly seek validation and affection from their partner. On the other hand, the partner may have a hole related to the need to feel needed or to be a savior, satisfying the other’s need for affection to feel valued. This creates a codependent relationship, where both partners are chained by their holes and fail to develop true emotional autonomy.
The work of the Diamond Logos, guiding us to reconnect with our essential qualities, naturally also resolves the causes of co-dependency. This path of self-exploration leads us to experience healthier and more balanced relationships, based on authentic connection rather than unmet needs and emotional dependencies.